The matter of church discipline

In my last 10 years of full time ministry I have come to a conclusion regarding Americans and church discipline. If you approach and discipline according to the Scriptures many people will respond by leaving the church. I have talked with other pastors and elders and this is a problem that the church in America doesn't seem to be able to answer. Why? Because there are so many churches where discipline isn't done or isn't done in a Biblical way.

I had the privilege of pastoring a small church for approximately 4 years. In that period of time because we were small and intimate there were a number of meetings that involved some form of church discipline. Since we were a "start up" church these types of meetings were preceded with calls to other pastors in our city to get Biblical input. It was never what we looked forward to doing but we understood the necessity and we did not shy away from the process of church discipline. I learned a valuable lesson through some very hard experiences. Here is the lesson - "trust your leadership" unless they give you a reason not to trust them. For example:
- they teach or preach heresy (basically they aren't Biblically grounded)
- they have a total lack of integrity in dealing with the congregation (sin and no repentance)

The one thing I did fairly well was to keep good and accurate notes from all meetings and discussions with members and former members. At some point and time I hope to write a book about this four year journey which will be called "When a small church closes." And a chapter will be devoted to this issue of church discipline. One of the key problems in a small church is that when things begin to unravel, especially with couples in key leadership roles the real facts are never able to be fully disclosed. Unfortunately many things said to an elder team behind closed doors has to remain confidential. And naturally when a person or couple is disciplined and then they leave the church everyone becomes curious as to why. This is where gossip rears its ugly head and then people start to form opinions not on the facts but on speculation. The result in the 4 years of our church worked the following way in the lives of many:
1. Couple A leaves the church in regard to some form of discipline
2. Couple B knows them and likes them and comes to leadership wanting to understand what happened to them.
3. The elders are only able to reveal some but not all discussion at times protecting the confidentially of Couple A that has decided to leave
4. Couple B decides that Couple A was wronged and doesn't stay because they place Couple A's testimony above that of church leadership
5. Couple B leaves and the contribution and gifting leaves and puts additional pressure on those that stay to assume the tasks they were doing in the church
6. As these hard meetings continue to happen and others see people leave it causes them to doubt and be suspicious of the church leadership.

Here is what I found that to be amazing, interesting and distressing all at the same time. People would come to me and start with the presumption that it was the leadership team at fault instead of the people that left the church. As you can imagine in a small church environment it doesn't take too much of that before the body becomes almost too fragmented to continue. Nancy used to say that if you take off the leg, then the arm and lose an eye then an ear eventually the body will die.

The bottom line of this blog article and is that the matter of church discipline can only work, first as it is done in a Biblical way and second where the leadership is respected and trusted.

We had a couple who agreed that the issues we brought forth were potentially harmful and destructive to the body. There were two other well known pastors in Charlotte that walked with us through this very intense process of church discipline. At the conclusion a letter of repentance was written and it seemed as though reconciliation was going to occur. As a leadership team we were advised that when repentance is offered then a form of restoration must take place. In this case we outlined some steps in general that needed to be taken by this couple. However they had no intention of ever going through the steps to get restored within our church. When I called the two other pastors to get their input which was collectively over 60 years as senior pastors they both said the same thing. When repentance is offered but there is no willingness to submit to a process of restoration then there is no real repentance. It is easy to write a letter but when it comes to doing what you say that is another thing.

Do you know the response from many in our small church? They were upset with the leadership team when in fact they should have been upset with the couple that needed to go through the process of restoration. The facts were presented to our elder team and other pastors, and each person agreed as to the actions that needed to be taken. But when you discipline a person or a couple and those in the church don't trust those actions of the elders then it divides and splits the body of Christ. If you have or are planning to start a church then get buy in from those in the church up front regarding church discipline. It may be good to have some form within the membership agreement and that needs to be something everyone understands and agree. And if you have gone through a Biblical process of selecting your elders then TRUST THEM!

I recently heard from a former church member that a particular person who was in a key leadership position still remains upset with the elder team of our former church. Even after hours of meetings, explanations and prayer they remain confused and upset by a number of people who left the church over discipline issues.

The church must utilize discipline for its membership. And those in the church need to submit to discipline when and where necessary. It is not ok to run from the present church to another receiving church until you are restored with former body. The result of people leaving in that manner only serve to highlight the consumeristic mentality that dominates the thinking of so many "professing" Christians. Basically here is what people have said to me in person, via email and phone calls. We will not submit to the leadership of this church and we are going to do what we want regardless of any of your Biblical counsel. I had lunch one day with another leadership member of our church who was trying to decide whether to stay based on a couple that left. We went to the Scriptures and he affirmed at the lunch that leadership was Biblically on track and we never saw the couple again. What does that say? Even one couple told a member if we tried to block their membership to new church because they left unreconciled then they would retain an attorney and sue us! Could I quote the words of the Lord Jesus "that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks!"

Ask yourself the following question - does the church I attend provide discipline to its members?
If I was a part of church discipline would I willing submit?
Does the thought of being asked to leave the church even bother you a little bit?
Have you ever left a former church and are still unreconciled?

Sadly we have a culture in which there is constant church shopping and hopping. I remember that a professor a C.I.U. said this maybe the number one issue for the church in America. How to discipline when those that are disciplined simply leave and find another church to receive them. If you should be in a group of unreconciled former church goers then there is a two-fold solution. REPENT AND BELIEVE!

Blessings