When a small church closes

I read the statistics within the last year of the number of small churches that start and close. The Shepherd's Church started in September 2003 and officially closed in September 2007. It was a four year graduate course on doctrine, people, methods, music and leadership. As some of you know I am hoping to write a book called "When a small church closes." Here are some of the people that show up when you have a small church. Of course all names have been changed to protect those who would never admit this is spot on!

Abe and Abegail Agenda - They may look sweet and docile but they are like ducks going around the water at your local lake. Everything looks good on the surface but underneath they are kicking up a storm. Normally they are older and rigid in the ways church should be done. Their motto becomes "have it my way."

Charlie and Coleen Critical - It doesn't matter how you do it or what you do they will find a way to criticize it. A pastor told me that a couple approached him with a problem in the church. He listened and suggested that it might be the very thing that God was leading them to do. They got upset with his answer and said "if that is the best you can come up with then we are going to leave the church." Their motto is "why be part of the solution when you can continue pointing out the problem."

Paul and Pauleen Post Modern - this couple thinks we need to find out what music draws the crowd, especially the young crowd and then provide it. They think we have too much preaching and sermons should be short motivational stories that make people feel good. Paul and Pauleen are in to comfort without any conviction. Their motto is "we don't need more conversions in the church we just need to have some good conversations."

Harry and Henrietta Hypocrite - they look good, sing, teach and even hand out cookies on Sunday but they are not genuine. They gossip, tell about how they did things in there former church and even question if leadership is capable. They end up in leadership and sometimes in small groups to the point that they when they get mad and finally leave others go with them.
Their motto is "we are looking good, smelling good and talking good but we just aren't living good."

Ned and Nellie Non-Biblical - this couple when approached about not using their gifts, reading the Bible, or leaving over the color of the carpet use experience and feelings instead of going to the word of God. If they don't feel it then they just don't do it. If you ask, can you support this kind thinking or action based on the Bible they will say things like "not really." Their motto "we don't know what it means but that's ok because it can mean what we want it to mean-right?"

Earl and Edie Expert - This couple lives by the statement "if we want your opinion then we will give it to you." They know what to do and how to do it. Some of the things they share and implement have been on their minds for years and years. And now that the group is gathered and they are the so-called experts the attitude comes out my way or the highway. However sometimes enough is enough, and if challenged they will take their ball and go home! Their motto "it's not as easy as it looks to always be right."

Mack and Mabel Mono-ministry - they take a ministry and own it, do it and build a fence so high around it that it would take an act of congress to get into it! When Mack and Mabel show up they dominate and dictate their own ministry area. There is no Timothy support or back up plan. And if others offer. Their motto for others who want to involve themselves in their ministry "do not go away mad, just go away."

Ted and Thelma Teflon - whenever they are approached regarding problems they have caused you can be sure that nothing sticks to them. Their motto "we didn't do anything wrong, just ask us."

Dick and Darlene Deflective - this couple has the extraordinary ability to put everything back on those that come in contact with them. The strategy is not to deal with the problem but deflect it away from themselves. By the way they are first cousins of Ted and Thelma Teflon. You might hear statements like the following "of course we would join small groups if the leadership team would stop having people in them." Their motto "take it easy greasy because the problem your trying to lay on me has got a long way to slide."

Ben and Bonita Been-Around - This couple looks the part except they have been to 12 other churches over the years. Upon talking to this couple each church they left has been somewhat off in doctrine, method of understanding of this couples skill and abilities. Their motto "we leave right before church discipline can arrive."

Sammy and Sandy Snitch - this couple comes to attend but really never joins. However they call and meet with pastor in order to give inside information on some of the problem people. Their motto "maybe this pastor will confront them on the sin that we are too intimidated to discuss with our family member, friend or co-worker."

Grant and Gertrude Grumpy - it doesn't matter what you preach, teach, or what you do, this couple finds a way to be and stay unhappy. Their motto is "of course we are happy just look at our face."